


And The Clock Ticks Ever Onwards

by archaeologies



Category: Pmmm - Fandom, Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: AU, F/F, au where madoka resets the timeline to save homura, idk tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-16
Updated: 2014-03-16
Packaged: 2018-01-15 20:29:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1318171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/archaeologies/pseuds/archaeologies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a reason clocks are round, and that's so they can go on forever, and ever and ever. Nothing can stop the clocks from ticking. No one can stop the clocks from ticking. Not even Madoka Kaname can stop the clocks from ticking. No. Madoka Kaname uses their ticks to her advantage. Madoka Kaname makes the clocks tick for her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And The Clock Ticks Ever Onwards

**Author's Note:**

> for lily

Madoka Kaname first meets Homura Akemi when she looks up from a nervous stuttered greeting, unsure of herself and worried her Japanese isn't good enough, and sees a pair of violet eyes, shielded behind red glasses, and a soft, reassuring smile, almost as though the girl offering it to her is letting her know she's doing great. Madoka herself doesn't know why, but that smile gives her a rush of confidence, and even though her shaking hands still grip her skirt anxiously, her muscles relax, and her breathing falls back into a steady pattern.

She's been away for years, studying in America. Her mother's company sent them there, and Madoka herself has almost forgotten how to speak Japanese. Every word falls heavy on her tongue, and though she's spoken it a little at home for the last eight years, talking to her parents and talking to a class of thirty strangers isn't really the same thing.

That smile, however, makes her feel rejuvenated. And she gives her introduction her best shot, and she takes her seat with an almost nervous satisfaction, and at break the girls in her class crowd around her and ask her about America and tell her that she speaks perfectly and doesn't have an accent and that the ribbons in her hair look cute, did she get them in America, is America really that different from here, didn't you live here before America, do you prefer it here, has a lot changed and suddenly Madoka is homesick for a place she won't be returning to, and that sort of satisfied excitement about being at a new school and being back in the town she'd grown up in ebs away slowly until she's left with just the tiniest trickle of it, and she lets herself be consumed by those boring questions that she's surprised she understands, praying for some miracle to save her from the watchful eyes of her peers.

And that miracle comes.

"Kaname-san?" asks a voice that's softer and more timid than the others. "My name is Akemi Homura; I'm the Nurse's Aid in this class, and I've been asked to give you a tour of the school. Is now a good time?"

_Now is the best time. There could never be a better time. Please take me away. They're watching me. They're judging me. I don't know how to answer them I want to leave I want to leave I want to leave I want to_

"Oh, now is fine," Madoka smiles, realising with a turn of her stomach that this is the girl who smiled at her, and pushing herself out of her desk.

The girl, Homura Akemi, offers the others an apologetic smile. "Sorry to steal Kaname-san away from you all."

"You never let us have any fun!" complains a girl with short blue-ish hair as she collapses into her seat. "You know how rare transfer students are!"

"Sorry, Miki-san," Homura shrugs, "I'm sure you'll have more than enough time to talk to Kaname-san after-"

"Yeah, yeah," the girl waves her hand dismissively. "You just go and show her around."

Homura half-laughs, half-sighs, and then turns, beckoning Madoka to follow her. Her hair is long, plaited in two thick, even braids, tied off at the end with purple ribbon. She has a headband on as well; it's not quite red and it's not quite pink, and Madoka plays absent-mindedly with her own yellow ribbons, wondering if that reddish-pink would look good on her. Homura's socks are black, unlike Madoka's white ones, and only come up to her knees; she keeps bending down to pull one of them up. Madoka doesn't have that problem with her socks, presumably because they're so much higher. She's not sure how long it's been since she's had to wear a uniform to school (the ones she studied at in America didn't have one), but she actually quite likes this one. It's a pain to put on in the morning, but if she looks anywhere near as good in it as Homura does then she supposes it's worth it.

"Akemi Homura, did you say your name was?" she asks as soon as they're out of the classroom. When the girl in front of her nods, Madoka takes a deep breath and says, "Do you mind if I just call you Homura-chan?"

Her step falters, and for a second, Madoka is terrified she's done something wrong or said something wrong, but instead she just shakes her head. "People don't usually call me by my first name," she answers, struggling to keep her voice steady and even. "It doesn't really suit me."

"Well," Madoka taps the bottom of her chin thoughtfully, "I personally think Homura-chan suits you a lot more than Akemi-san. You can call me Madoka too, of course, I mean, everyone in America did so I'm kind of more used to it than Kaname-san..."

Homura chuckles. "Kaname Madoka is a very pretty name," she smiles, glancing back over her shoulder.

"But Akemi Homura is pretty too," Madoka insists. "Homura like... like a flare! Yeah, like a flare of passion or fire or something! That's really cool! That's super cool! I'm sure you can be as cool as your name!"

Once again, Homura chuckles. Her arm moves, and she tilts her head downwards, so Madoka assumes she's pushing her glasses up. "I don't think someone like me can ever be as cool as a name like Akemi Homura, Kaname-san, but your faith in me is inspiring."

They fall into silence after that, and Madoka isn't sure whether it's pleasant or comfortable, and wants to break it. Their feet fall heavy on the ground, and the strange sort of laminated plastic makes their footsteps echo and bounce round the hallway, despite the fact it's full of students. "So," Madoka says finally, "Homura-chan, how does one go about becoming a nurse's aid exactly?"

"Planning to usurp me, are you?" she laughs once again.

"No, not at all! I was just wondering if there was like an election or if you volunteered-"

The corridor they're in is empty. "I was asked to take the position by our teacher," Homura states.

"Why?" Madoka asks, and Homura pivots round on one foot to face her.

For a moment there's nothing but silence. Homura's eyes are locked on Madoka's and she can't bring herself to look away, until, in a very timid voice, Homura says, still smiling, "I used to spend a lot of time in the Nurse's Office, Kaname-san, so it was decided I was perfect for the job."

Madoka debates whether or not it would be a good idea to ask why Homura spent so much time at the nurses, and opens her mouth, but says, "Yes," and Homura looks down, blushing and stifling a laugh, and it's clear from her expression that she's not entirely sure why she's laughing, and Madoka isn't sure why she's laughing either but she joins in, and soon both of them are laughing in that empty corridor, and their chuckles are bouncing off of the walls, and Madoka feels so content and happy and comfortable for no understandable reason. She didn't expect to feel like this, but something about Homura's smile makes her so happy, and she has one of those laughs that make you want to join in, and Madoka feels like she belongs, like she's home.

When their laughter calms down, Homura smiles warmly at Madoka, and she can't explain what, but it feels like something between her and the dark-haired girl has changed. "Come on then, Kaname-san," Homura says. "We've got a lot of ground to cover if we want to make it round the whole school in one trip."

...

The warm optimism Homura inspired doesn't last the whole day. Madoka's mood plummets as she realises she barely understands what her teachers are saying, and that, combined with the fact that what she's been studying in America is so different, sends her spiralling into despair. She can't answer the basic Maths questions, she can only just read the books they're meant to be studying from, and she can't even bring herself to wear the uniform she's meant to for running track because it's both so uncomfortable and so different to what she's used to wearing for sports.

She doesn't completely understand the conversations her classmates are having, but from the way they glance up at her and giggle, she knows they're about her, and she knows they're hurtful.

Madoka can't wait to get home, but she knows even once she's there it won't feel right. Their little house is so different to her home in America, and her room is barren and empty, and the furniture doesn't look quite right and the lights aren't bright enough and she doesn't like it here. She doesn't like it here at all.

Despite her desire to get home, her steps are slow and heavy as she makes her way there. She supposes she's just trying to avoid the disappointment that her new home is. She wonders for a second if any of her friends will be online; her mother told her the time difference but she doesn't remember it anymore. Even the thought of talking to them doesn't excite her. Nothing she thinks manages to excite her.

_Nothing excites me because I am a boring person. No one likes me because I am a boring person. I can't do anything right. It would be better for everyone if I just stopped existing. It would be better for everyone if I just stopped existing. It would be better if I just stopped existing it would be better if I just stopped existing it would be better it would be better it would be_

Madoka looks up in shock and horror at her thoughts, and finds herself on an unfamiliar street that doesn't even look real. It's like she's inside a child's drawing; a crayon-coloured pastel world with a blood red sky and twisted images drawn crudely paving the ground. She's lost and she's scared and she's slightly sickened because there is no way the pictures that have been drawn in such an innocent, child-like style should never have been witnessed by a child.

_It would be better for everyone if I just stopped existing._

Paper buildings rise and fall around her and she takes a nervous step back, but moving seems to have angered whatever it is that's controlling wherever she is, because one of the crumpled buildings opens a shredded door, and soldiers drawn in faded ink on water-stained paper crawl out, their injuries and battlescars drawn on in rips and tears, their faces inkblots of misery, and their moans surrounding her despite the fact they have no mouths with which to communicate.

_It would be better if I just stopped existing just stop existing just stop existing just stop existing just stop existing_

She doesn't have time to think; she just acts. And her acting is to cover her eyes and scream as the army lumbers towards her.

_Stop existing!_

It never reaches her though, and Madoka blinks open her eyes nervously to see a shining purple arrow disapparate and, of all people, Homura Akemi smile at her. She's not wearing the school uniform anymore; she's wearing some strange white and grey dress that might be cosplay and holding an ornate silver bow, engraved with intricate swirling patterns.

_It would be better._

"Homura-chan?" Madoka asks in a voice that's barely a whisper. Another girl with blonde ringlets fires a huge gun a few times, and Madoka's stomach clenches. She's terrified.

"Not now, Kaname-san," Homura says. "We'll talk as soon as I'm done with this."

She raises the bow, and although she has no quiver that Madoka can see, she reaches behind her as if to grab an arrow, and somehow she does. Madoka can hardly believe it; it doesn't even look real. It's like a shimmering ray of purple light, and Homura is holding it in her hand and pulling back the drawstring.

"Akemi-san, finish this!" cries the blonde, and Madoka wonders what the hell "this" is exactly, watching in awe as Homura shoots straight into the thing and everything around Madoka changes, the crayon world bursting and then fading back to the usual world.

"I guess my secret's out now," Homura chuckles, turning to face Madoka, "just don't tell everyone in class, okay Kaname-san?"

Madoka doesn't even know what the secret is because she has no idea what's gone on. "I... I don't understand," she stutters.

"Kaname Madoka," an unfamiliar voice seems to echo through her head, and Madoka would have thought it was the blonde girl if not for the fact her mouth wasn't moving at all, "you have just witnessed a Witch Hunt. Akemi-san and Tomoe-san are Magical Girls! They fight Witches and save innocent people, like you!"

From the shadows, a small cat-like animal emerges. It has ears inside of its ears and beady pink eyes that stare at her, unblinking. Madoka shivers, though she doesn't know why. Something sends tingles down her spine and her heart grows cold with fear once more, but it's not because of this "Witch". It's because of something else, something she's not sure of, something that lurks just out of sight, in the shadows with the cat-thing, waiting to pounce and snare her and drag her back to its lair.

The blonde, who must be Tomoe-san, sheaths her gun,and says, "You're lucky we got to you in time." She offers Madoka a hand, and smiles. "I'm Tomoe Mami. It's nice to meet you."

"Kaname Madoka. You can just call me Madoka," she replies, taking Mami's hand and letting her pull her up. She imagines she's in a state of shock. Her heart is racing and her breathing is laboured.

"I'm sure you're confused as to what you've just witnessed," Mami begins, and Madoka nods. The blonde chuckles lightly, and invites Madoka to join her, and soon she finds herself sat in an open apartment with the two of them, who have returned to wearing their school uniforms. They drink tea and eat cake and the conversation is relatively normal, excluding the fact Madoka just watched these girls transform and defeat some grotesque monster, and the fact there's a talking cat perched on Mami's shoulder.

She tries her best, but there comes a point where Madoka can't keep it in anymore, and she asks about what happens. Mami lowers her teacup and explains it all; contracts, magical girls, witch hunts. Madoka nods throughout and asks a few questions which Mami and the cat, who is named Kyubey, answer. Homura remains quiet for the most part, and Madoka decides she needs to change this by directly involving her.

"So, Homura-chan," she begins to ask, and Homura jumps a little at her name, "do you fight things like that all the time?"

She smiles bashfully and fiddles with her glasses before replying. "Well, um, sort of. I mean, I only made the contract with Kyubey a few weeks ago. Tomoe-san's the real veteran."

Mami nods, and says, "That being said, Akemi-san has remarkable talent, and has come very far in a very short amount of time. If I had to guess, I'd say she'll be more powerful than I am one day."

"You... You really think so, Tomoe-san?" Homura asks, looking up to her and smiling nervously.

"Of course!" Mami laughs. "But first, I'd like you to be powerful enough to fight Walpurgisnacht."

Madoka bites her lip. "I'm sorry, I don't speak Japanese very well but, um, what's a Walpurgisnacht?"

"It's an incredibly powerful Witch that can tear through and destroy cities," Mami explains. "I heard from a reliable source that it's due to attack here any time soon."

"Speaking of time," Homura interrupts, "my family will be expecting me home soon. I'll see you tomorrow, Tomoe-san!"

"Same time, same place," Mami nods. "You best be on your way too, Kaname-san."

Madoka nods and rises from the floor. "Please, call me Madoka. I don't mind, honest!"

Homura asks where she lives, and says she'll walk her home. The journey is relatively quiet, neither of them knowing what to say, until about halfway home, Madoka asks, "What did you wish for when you became a Magical Girl, Homura-chan?"

The other girl stops, licks her lips, and laughs. "You'll think it's stupid."

Madoka shakes her head. "I promise I won't."

Homura sighs. "Everyone in class probably knows already, I suppose."

"Everyone knows you're a Magical Girl?" Madoka's brows furrow.

"No, no. They..." Homura's voice is soft and distant, but somehow she stutters out, "I was very sick for a very long time. I had a heart illness. A year ago it got so bad I was hospitilised."

Madoka's heart skips a beat. "Oh."

"A-About a month ago I was scheduled for a surgery," Homura continues. Madoka notices she's playing with the ribbons in her hair and looking away from her. Her fingers are shaking a little. "The s-surgery was a very dangerous procedure, and there was no g-guarantee it would work, and if it went wrong I would've died so I... I wished myself better."

They'd stopped walking at some point. Madoka isn't sure when, but Homura is staring at the ground like she's going to burst into tears, so she wraps an arm around her shoulder. They stay like that, Madoka not saying anything and Homura not crying, until Madoka finally laughs. Homura's head shoots up.

"K-Kaname-san?" she says. "Is something funny?"

"I just can't believe you thought you weren't cool enough for your name!" Madoka states. "Homura-chan, you're the coolest, bravest, smartest girl there is! You're like a superhero, but better!"

Homura stares at her, confused. "I am?"

"You are!" Madoka promises. "I'm so glad to have met you!"

"I'm glad I met you too, Kaname-san," Homura replies, and they begin walking again and as they walk they talk about themselves and learn about each other and Madoka asks if Homura gets scared while she's fighting witches, and Homura says yes, she does, but she would have died with or without the contract, so she doesn't mind dying now if it bought her back the ability to live her life with a working heart, and Madoka says she wants to come with her to hunt witches, and Homura reluctantly agrees and when Madoka gets home her parents are mad with her for staying out so late, but they don't take any action against her, and she goes to her room and collapses on her bed, but can't sleep. Instead she tosses and turns, thinking about what she's seen and learnt, falling in and out of nightmares in which Homura meets her end at the face of some monster, staring at her clock and ceiling until her clock finally blinks two in the morning, and her weary eyes shut on themselves and she drifts off into a dreamless sleep.

...

Rain falls in sheets around her, but her face is already wet with tears. Her clothes are soaked through because she's collapsed onto the flooding ground, and no matter how long she closes her burning eyes for, she can't escape the image that's been imprinted on them.

"Homura-chan," she says, staring down at the girl on the ground with her, "please tell me you're not going to fight that thing."

Homura's voice, distressed yet oddly calm, echoes from above her. "I have to, Kaname-san. I-"

"But Mami-san just-"

"If I don't, Tomoe-san's death will have been in vain," Homura states, cutting off Madoka's screams. "I have to, Kaname-san."

"No you don't," Madoka whispers. Mami's hand is still curled around hers, and her head lays in her lap, and she fiddles with her hair. She should push her off, shove her on the ground, but Mami was always terrified of being alone. Madoka can't move her, no matter how terrifying it is, having literal dead weight on her lap. "No one would blame you if you got scared and walked away. You don't have to sacrifice your life, too."

There's a weight on her shoulder, and Madoka looks up to see Homura's tearstained face smiling weakly at her. "Kaname-san," she whispers, "I've been ready to die for a year now. At least this way my death will mean something."

Madoka shakes her head furiously. "But I don't want you to die!"

"And I don't want to leave you, but I have to. I'm the only one who can stop Walpurgisnacht."

"No," Madoka whimpers, "no."

Homura's stood up again, her bow in her hand. "I'm glad I stayed alive another month, Kaname-san," she says. "I'm glad I made the contract, because if I hadn't, I might not have met you."

"Homura-chan!" Madoka screams as she jumps down from the building they're stood upon."Homura-chan!"

She receives no answer. She yells three more times, but each time she's met with only her own voice echoing back to her.

...

"I told you not to go... I said you could run away..."

The wind and the rain is receding now. The ground is still wet, and Madoka is still soaked. She thinks she'll never dry again. She sniffles, and wipes her eyes with her sleeves.

"Why?" she whispers. "Why did you have to go, Homura-chan?"

But Homura doesn't answer. Homura won't be answering her ever again.

Madoka strokes her cold cheek, and pushes some stray hair out of her face. Her eyes are closed. It's almost like she's sleeping, except for her glasses. Madoka takes them off. The lense on the right is cracked from the middle outwards, a spiderweb of scratches that spirals from the bottom of the frame to the top. Homura won't be able to see through them. But then again, it doesn't really matter whether or not she can see, does it?

She discards the glasses. She tosses them aside and doesn't take note of where they land.

"I wish you'd listened to me," she whispers. "I wish you hadn't gone."

"Do you really mean that, Kaname Madoka?"

Startled, Madoka looks up. Perched behind her, it's tail wagging and it's beady gaze focused on her, is Kyubey. She wipes her eyes and nose again on her sleeve, and stands up. "Yes," she says. "I do."

She expects Kyubey to blink. He doesn't. "I can make that happen, Madoka. You have more than enough potential. You know what to do."

Madoka nods. "I'd like to make a contract."

His tail twitches. Neither his eyes nor his mouth move. "What wish will you trade your life for? What wish will you fight and die for? What wish will make your soul gem shine?"

She chews her lip.

_Am... Can I really do this? I'm not dying like Mami-san or Homura-chan-_

_Mami-san and Homura-chan are both dead._

"I want to go back," she states. "I want to go back to before this, to when I met Homura-chan for the first time, so that this time, I can save her!"

There's pain, unbearable pain, and Kyubey swishes his tail once, twice, three times, four times, before her world goes dark in a blaze of sudden agony.

...

When Madoka blinks her bleary eyes open, she's at home. She sits up with a start, her heart gripped by fear, her mind running in circles and her hand wrapped tightly around something. She looks down at it, and slowly uncurls her fist. Her eyes widen as she takes in her own Soul Gem. It swirls a soft pink colour, different to those of Homura and Mami.

She realises with shock that this means none of it was a dream. She really watched two girls die. Her throat closes up and she swallows, creeping out of bed, her body cold and her heart pumping with the speed of three, making up for the fact Homura and Mami's hearts will beat no more. She shivers, her eyes clouding with tears.

And then she freezes as her calendar falls off of the flimsy pin on her wall and folds upon the floor in a heap. She turns around, because this seems familiar; the calendar falling as she leaps out of bed, the way her uniform is hung up on the back of her door, the way her schoolbag is perched under her desk with it's label sticking out because she hasn't had a chance to cut it out yet.

Madoka pivots on her heel and picks her calendar up. Flicking through the pages in horror, she sees that the past month hasn't been crossed off, even though she distinctly remembers filling it in.

A faint, "Oh God," slips from her lips, and she drops the calendar as she moves her shaking hands to her mouth. She thinks for a moment she's going to be sick. She can't move. She can't get up. She stays there, kneeling on the floor, hunched over, shuddering as tears begin to dribble down her face.

She's gone back in time.

_I can save them._

She's gone back to the day she started school, to the day she met Homura Akemi.

_I can save them!_

She's been given a second chance.

_I can save her._

She stands up on shaking, unsteady legs, still crying, but she smiles through those tears, and lets herself laugh, because she's done it. She's here. Her wish came true. She went back, she's redoing her meeting, she can save her.

She's never been so happy, and, as she stands in front of a class of strangers she's met before, that happiness shines through. She introduces herself as Madoka Kaname, she tells them it's nice to meet them and that she looks forward to becoming their friend. Except she doesn't. The only friend she wants to make is Homura Akemi, who is still smiling up at her the way she did the first time, even though Madoka doesn't stutter, or falter, and she runs to Homura and cries, "I've become a Magical Girl too, Homura-chan! Let's save the world together!" as the teacher explains she's come here from America, and Homura looks down, blushing.

She leaves school with Homura and her heart is racing, but even its beats can't outrun the babbled conversation she makes because she's so happy that Homura is alive and well and with her and she's scared that her time will run out and she'll lose her again, or that she'll wake up from whatever nightmare this is and find Homura still dead. Homura smiles and laughs with her, but it's different, because Madoka knows Homura, but Homura doesn't know her. This Homura isn't really her Homura, but she's Homura and that's all that matters.

Mami seems more serious than when Madoka met her the first time, but her appartment is the same, except for the fact Kyubey is nowhere to be seen. Mami wants to see Madoka in action and Homura suggests they head to her home and use her garden; both her parents will be out.

It's there, surrounded by potted plants and benches, that Madoka transforms for the first time. Her dress is pink and yellow and white, and she has a soft yellow ribbon tied round her neck.

"It matches the ribbons in your hair," Homura smiles. "They're very pretty."

"They're not as pretty as your ribbons," Madoka reassures her.

Mami shakes her head. "You both wear very nice ribbons, but I doubt that has much to do with Madoka's abilities."

Madoka nods once, then raises a gloved hand to the golden shield on her wrist. She's not really sure what she's doing, but at the same time, everything makes sense and she's an expert at something she's never done. She spins it, and time stops for her. A sudden rush of power cascades through her, and she grabs one of Homura's father's golf clubs and raises it above her head. There's an empty bin for her to practice on, and she hits it with a passion, almost as though it's what is responsible for her losing Mami and Homura, and then clicks time back into place, huffing and puffing and exhausted.

"Interesting," Mami mumbles. "She can stop time."

Madoka is still catching her breath. Homura calls her abilities incredible.

"Tomoe-san," she cries, "imagine how powerful the three of us will be together!"

Mami nods, then calls, "Kaname-san, do you think you can use anything other than Mr. Akemi's golf clubs?"

It takes Madoka all of five seconds to remember every single bomb and gun scare her school in America faced, and she replies, "I know I can."

...

She doesn't save Mami. All the bombs in the world couldn't have blown Walpurgisnacht to pieces before she claimed Mami's life. But Homura's still alive. She's a little cut and a little bruised and her breathing's heavy but they both know it will only take one more of Madoka's little explosions and a final arrow from Homura's invisible sheath and they're done. Walpurgis can't take anymore.

Madoka's fingers find her shield and everything clicks to a halt. Homura's pulling her bow back, but she won't fire until time resumes, meaning the explosion will have already happened. She leaps distances a normal person shouldn't be able, at heights that should be unreachable, until she finds the best position, detonates the bomb, and lobs it into the witch.

She falls to the ground and time falls back into place. She lands on her feet, no small feat in the heels she's wearing, and listens for the explosion. Her eyes find Homura, who pulls back her bow and shoots.

The attack seems to hurt Homura just as much as it hurts Walpurgisnacht, and she falls, clutching her heart. Madoka's eyes widen, and she runs, horrified.

When she catches Homura, she's in the clothes she'd been wearing before they transformed, and she's screaming.

"Homura-chan!" Madoka cries. "Homura-chan it's okay! It's alright! We won!"

Homura doesn't stop screaming.

Madoka kneels down and places her softly on the ground. "Homura-chan..." she whispers.

Homura's body starts to convulse. She grips her Soul Gem too tightly in her right hand, and Madoka worries she's going to crack it, so she softly removes it from Homura's hold. It's dark. It's not just dulled with the power that Homura's used; its a horrible murky grey. Madoka scrambles with her free hand, searching for a Grief Seed, but she doesn't find one in time. Homura lets out a final screech, and the Soul Gem cracks. Thick, black gas begins to leak from it, and Madoka screams and throws it down. The gas continues to come, thick and oozing, rising upwards and forming a grotesque face.

It looks like a Witch.

"No," Madoka flips her head back to Homura, who lies still. "No!"

Her Soul Gem is still spurting the gas.

"Why?!" Madoka screams. "Why did this happen?! I came back! I saved her!"

The rain continues to fall. Madoka stands up, and time stands up with her.

She spins her shield back the other way, and wakes up in bed.

 _I have to warn them_.

She's going to try this again.

_I have to warn her._

She changes from into her school uniform quickly, remembering what she did and planning what she has to do differently.

_I have to save her._

She ties her hair. She's thought of about six different ways to prevent this timeline from falling down the same path as the other, and strengthens her resolve because this time she will not fail.

...

Something has gone wrong. Something has gone very very wrong, because this time, somehow, Sayaka Miki, the girl who sits behind Homura in class, is standing beside her like she's her greatest friend, and is dressed in blue and white and holding a sword and saying, "I don't believe her."

Sayaka has never played a major part in a timeline before.

"Why would Kyubey lie to us?" She demands, and when Madoka can't answer, she scoffs. "He has no reason to trick us! In fact, all he's done is help us! So why should I believe you?"

Mami strokes her chin in thought. "I suppose the argument doesn't have enough evidence to it."

"That doesn't m-mean she's lying!" Homura states. She's more nervous in this timeline. Madoka can only assume that the Witch that almost killed her the first time she met Homura must have almost killed Sayaka in this timeline, and that Sayaka made a contract almost instantly.

She wonders what Sayaka wished for.

"Yeah, well, if you wanna know what I think, I reckon she's just teamed up with that Kyoko girl, and she's trying to scare us into giving up the city," Sayaka snarls, turning away.

_That's not right... They shouldn't have met Kyoko yet..._

"Miki-san," Homura begins timidly, ready to come to Madoka's defense.

"I'm not making this up!" Madoka cries, tears bubbling in the corners of her eyes. "Please, Miki-san, believe me!"

Sayaka snorts. "I don't believe you. And another thing, Kaname, I'm not teaming up with you either!"

"Miki-san, Kaname-san's ability could greatly improve our technique," Mami states, but Sayaka shakes her head.

"Easy for you to say," she grunts. "You and Akemi-san use long range weapons. I don't. I'd have to fight up close to those explosions."

Mami nods, and opens her mouth, but Madoka interrupts whatever she's going to say by yelling, "I can use guns too!"

Sayaka raises an eyebrow. "Can you now?"

Madoka nods furiously. "Please, Miki-san, let me fight alongside you! I won't let you down!"

She chews her lip. "Alright. You have a week. Seven days to impress me. And if we're all still alive by the end of those seven days, I suppose I don't have anything against teaming up with you."

...

Kyoko Sakura has never teamed up with them before. She visited briefly both times. She talked to Mami about whether she had trained a suitable Magical Girl to help her fight Walpurgisnacht, and she fought with Homura to test how strong she was. Both times she laughed, and she told Mami she was doing a great job, but before she left she pulled Homura aside and told her that if she couldn't protect Mami then she'd need to start sleeping with one eye open.

In this timeline she didn't leave. Madoka blaims that on Sayaka Miki, because it's Sayaka's name that Kyoko is screaming.

"What the hell did you do to Sayaka!" she shrieks as she runs, fighting off wheels with her spear.

_I warned you. I told you all this would happen._

"Miki-san, please!" Homura trips a little as she runs. "Please remember who you are and st-stop this!"

_You know she won't. You know she won't, Homura-chan. You alone believed me when I told you this would happen. Believe me now when I say you can't help her._

Homura falls once more, and this time she doesn't get up. The wheels that are following Kyoko turn on her, and Madoka slides time to a halt, armed with a gun. She stands before Homura and shoots, then smiles at the bitter irony.

Sayaka had always been worried that one of Madoka's bombs would be the end of her.

She detonates it and places it at the Witch's base before jumping back to Homura. She lets time flow again, and the Witch that was Sayaka Miki burns in a blaze of fire, killed by the girl she'd begrudgingly made an alliance with a few days before.

Homura is still sat down, and she begins to sob.

"Damn it, Sayaka," Kyoko cries, throwing down her spear. "Why did you have to-"

"This... This is too c-cruel," Homura whimpers. "Why..."

There's the sound of a gunshot and glass shattering, and Homura and Madoka both look up to see Kyoko fall back in her shorts and hoodie. It only takes Madoka a second to work out what must have happened, and she reaches to her shield but before she has a chance to use her ability, Mami's already using hers and has her bound in ribbon too tightly to move.

"Mami-san," she chokes out, but the gun Mami has aimed at her cuts her speech short.

"If Soul Gems turn to Grief Seeds, and Magical Girls become Witches," she sobs, her grip on the gun too tight for someone who's crying, "then it would be best if we all just died right here!"

Madoka closes her eyes and screams, but the sound of a Soul Gem shattering echoes anyway. The ribbons around her fall away, and she realises with horror that it wasn't her Soul Gem.

She's too scared to open her eyes, but the sobbing that follows tells her it wasn't Homura's Soul Gem either.

"I can't," Homura screams as she throws her bow aside, repulsed. "I can't take this anymore!"

_Mami-san killed..._

"Kaname-san," Homura cries. "Kaname-san, help me!"

_Homura-chan killed Mami-san..._

On shaking legs, Madoka walks towards Homura. "It... It will be fine, Homura-chan, I promise."

_Homura-chan killed Mami-san to save me._

She wraps her arms around Homura's waist, and Homura rests her head on her shoulder. She's still sobbing. Madoka whispers, "It'll be okay, Homura-chan. We'll defeat Walpurgisnacht together, and then we never have to fight again. Everything will work out. You'll see."

_Would I kill someone to save Homura-chan?_

Homura pushes Madoka away, and lifts her glasses, wiping her tears away. "Let's work hard together," she says. "Let's work hard together in their memory."

Madoka nods, and Homura smiles at her, before falling back onto her shoulder and crying again. Madoka counts eight loud, heart-wrenching sobs, before Homura's pain grows so much that no noise can convey her agony, and she cries silently.

...

"This is the end... for us as well, isn't it, Kaname-san?"

Homura's glasses are broken in the same place they always break when she fights Walpurgisnacht. It's eerily beautiful how some things repeat themselves and others are different. Like theres a cut running down Homura's cheek this time and it's bleeding and the blood is dripping across her face and into the water the two of them are lying in. She's never cut her face before.

Madoka nods. "Unless you have any more Grief Seeds."

Homura shakes her head, but it's clear even that much movement is too much effort for her. "I guess it's time for us to become monsters... And together, we'll... turn this world upside down. Nothing bad... or sad... or anything... will remain. Destroy, destroy, destroy it all..."

Madoka smiles. "Wouldn't that be great?"

Homura doesn't reply.

Madoka watches a bird fly across the sky. It will be gone soon. The whole world will be gone soon. "I promised you I'd make everything okay, Homura-chan. It took me a long time, but I finally did it. I finally... made it... okay..."

Her eyes begin to close as her exhausted body gives up on her, and she's happy. She's dying, but she's happy. Homura's dying, but Homura is happy. This is all that matters.

Her eyes fly open as her body is suddenly rejuvenated, and she turns around to see Homura smiling and crying, holding a Grief Seed to Madoka's darkened Soul Gem.

"I'm sorry, Madoka," she laughs. "I was lying."

"Homura-chan... You finally called me by my first name," she whispers, pushing herself off the ground.

She nods. "I have a mission for you... Madoka. You can... go back in time, right? You can change things so that they don't end this way..."

"Homura-chan..."

"I was stupid, Madoka. I... need you to go back before I made the contract. And... I need you to stop me from making it."

Madoka gulps. "But, Homura-chan... your wish..."

"It doesn't matter, " she promises. "I was... just scared. I'll be okay."

Nodding, Madoka wipes away her tears.

"Oh, and Madoka?"

"Yes, Homura-chan?"

"Can I ask you to do one more thing for me?"

"Anything, Homura-chan."

She smiles. "I'd rather like... not to become a witch."

Madoka nods again, and stands up. Her hands shake and tears run down her cheeks. She closes her eyes, and she shoots. She doesn't open her eyes. She counts to nine, unable to wait the final second, and when she doesn't hear another sound from Homura, she grabs her shield and spins it, burdened with the mission the only person she loves has given her.

...

_No one believes the future._

Homura has given her a mission, and she's going to carry it out, even if it makes this Homura, the Homura who hasn't met her yet, upset or scared or angry. She doesn't care. Madoka promised everything would be alright. And it's going to be.

_No one accepts the future._

Madoka rips out her ribbons. Homura always liked them. She called them pretty in every timeline. Madoka Kaname is not pretty. She is not cute. She is a soldier who has one aim and one aim only; to protect Homura Akemi. And she'll do it. She doesn't care how long it takes her, she'll keep going until Homura is safe.

She went back further than she usually does. Further than she ever has. And it's all so she can stop Homura from making the contract. But she can't enter the hospital and tell a nervous girl with a life-threatening heart condition that if someone offers her the ability to use magic to heal her heart, she has to say no, so she targets Kyubey instead. And when she finds him, she shoots him. She shoots and she shoots and she shoots multiple versions of the same little monster because she will not let him get to Homura before her operation and she will not Homura make her contract.

_I won't depend on anyone. No one has to understand it. I won't let Homura fight. I'll take care of all the witches myself._

_Even Walpurgisnacht._

"Welcome, class!" the teacher says in the same falsely cheery tone she always does. "Today we have a new transfer student with us!"

"I'm Kaname Madoka. Nice to meet you," Madoka drones, her voice dull and empty because it isn't nice and she isn't meeting any of them; she already knows them all.

The teacher expects her to say more, and waits, like she always does, but when it's clear Madoka has nothing more to add, she says, "Kaname-san just moved back here from America, where she's been living for a few years, so she might need a little help with her studies and her Japanese," like she always does.

Madoka doesn't need help with her Japanese anymore. It's been a long time since she stuttered her greetings.

Her eyes find the desk they found the first time she lived this, but now the violet eyes behind the red glasses are looking down at the floor nervously, and there's no smile on her lips. Homura Akemi isn't even looking at the girl who has sacrificed so much for her, and that's okay, because Homura is okay.

Madoka takes her seat. The girls crowd around her at lunch, but she has no ribbons for them to ask about and barely any accent for them to comment on. She stares blankly away from them, waiting for Homura to get up at break like she always does. And then she says, "I'm feeling a little unwell; can I go to the nurse?"

And Homura turns around, a little shocked, and says, like she has done the past three times, "I'm heading there now... And I'm the, uh, Nurse's Aid for this class... I'll t-take you, um, Kaname-san. I-If you want..."

Madoka doesn't answer, she just gets out from her desk and starts walking out of the classroom. Homura quickly follows after her, and in a half-panicked, half-joking tone, she remarks, "I-It's almost like you're t-taking me to the N-Nurses Of-ffice, Kaname-san."

Homura falls silent when Madoka doesn't reply, until she finally tries to say, "I'm Ak-"

"Akemi Homura, right?" Madoka asks, even though she knows she is right. "You can call me Madoka."

"Um," Homura is behind Madoka, and she can't see her face, but she knows the girl is looking anywhere but at her. Neither of them speak for a while, until they reach that corridor that's always empty.

"This is, um, going to sound really stupid," Homura almost whispers, soft and timidly, "but do I know you?"

Madoka freezes.

"Only," Homura's voice gets higher, and she's no doubt panicked by Madoka stopping, "I feel l-like I do... I h-had a dream and-"

"Akemi Homura," Madoka says, "I want you to promise me that you won't change, not for all the money in the world, not for anything. You're not broken."

Homura stifles a nervous laugh, and Madoka turns around to face her. "You're not," she states. "No matter what you think, you are not broken. You're perfect."

"Um," Homura looks down nervously. "I'm..."

"If someone says they can fix you, if someone says they can grant you your most desperate desires, please, say no."

"I'll... I..." Homura trails off. Madoka knows she's thinking of being well again. She's thinking of not having to live off medication, of not losing her breath just by walking up stairs, of being healthy. She knows what the Homura who underwent surgery thinks and feels about herself, just like she knows what the Homura who made the contract thought and felt. Homura would make the contract in a heartbeat, and nothing Madoka can do will stop that.

She's the type of person who is perfect for the Incubators.

Madoka blinks away the urge to cry because she can see Homura's desperation in her eyes, but she turns away. Her heart is aching, because Homura is Homura but at the same time she's not Homura. She different but she's the same and Madoka loves her more than anything that has ever existed, and she is not damaged or broken, and her heart still beats and still feels and still loves, even if its beats are irregular and her love is not for Madoka. She doesn't care if Homura loves her or not, she did once, she did before, and she asked Madoka to save her.

She intends to do just that.

Homura calls, "K-Kaname-san?" after her in confusion, but Madoka just keeps walking. She plans to find Mami and team up before Kyubey can get to Sayaka and Homura. She's tried this plan before. She just wants to make things okay. She promised she'd make things okay.

It doesn't matter how many times she lives this hell; ten, twenty, a hundred, she'll keep going until she's kept that promise.

...

Walpurgisnacht has always been too powerful for her to defeat on her own, but she fights it now with a renewed passion when she notices a familiar pair of dark braids, and a bright red ribbon in the distance.

_No..._

"This is... awful!"

"That's how it goes," Kyubey's voice rings loud in her mind, like the little fucker wants him to hear every single lie he feeds the only person that matters to her. "It's way too strong for her."

"B-but that's not right," Homura cries. "Wh-why d-does she keep fighting if she knows she can't win? Why d-doesn't she run away?! Why d-doesn't someone help her?!"

"There's no one too help her, Homura. They're all dead."

_They're all dead because of you! This isn't fair! Leave her alone! Don't listen to him, Homura, please please please please please_

"S-so... She's alone..."

"But she doesn't have to be. Akemi Homura, you have the power to change this fate!"

_Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up_

"All this destruction and grief... You alone can reverse it! You alone can put a stop to this despair!"

_SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP_

"You have the power to do that!"

"I..." Homura can barely speak. "Y-you really mean... someone as weak as me h-has the power to do something like that?"

_Don't listen to him; he's tricking you! Please Homura! Please!_

"More than enough power! Just make a contract with me! Become a Magical Girl!"

Madoka is so preoccupied listening to their conversation that she doesn't notice she's under attack until she's hit and falls back. She screams "Don't!" all the way down, repeatedly. She's not sure how many times she cries Homura's name; she loses count around eleven.

...

"She was really amazing... When she transformed. I thought she'd become the strongest Magical Girl, but to defeat Walpurgisnacht in just one hit..."

She's too numb to feel angry. Too empty to feel sad. Her emotions would just get in the way anyway. Last time there were tears. This time there's nothing but shock and dismay. To come so far, and have it amount to nothing...

"So how will this end? Do you know for sure, since she's even more powerful than you imagined?"

"Oh, her end will be the same as it was always fated to be; as the strongest Magical Girl, she'll be the strongest witch. As Homura is now, it won't take long for her to destroy the planet. But, that's not my problem, and this isn't my planet."

"Right," Madoka stands and turns away. It's time to leave all this behind her.

"Won't you fight?"

"No. This is not my battle." Madoka's hands find her shield. "My fight lies in the past."

For a moment, Madoka sees it all click in Kyubey's head. "Kaname Madoka, you're-"

But she doesn't hear what she is, because she's already spun herself back. She'll spin herself back as many times as she needs to. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Rewind and invert. Spin back. Spin back. Spin back. Tell the world that time belongs to Madoka Kaname, and Madoka Kaname has a promise to keep.

One o'clock, two o'clock, three o'clock, four. Five o'clock, six o'clock, seven, eight, nine. Ten o'clock. Eleven o'clock. Time is hers to command. And she'll use it to go back once, twice, three times four times, as many times as she needs.

_Repeat. Repeat. Repeat._

She can't do this forever. She'll have to stop at somepoint.

_Repeat. Repeat. Repeat._

Even the great Madoka Kaname can't stop the clocks from ticking.

__tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock_ _tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock_ _tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock_ tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock _

Sooner or later, her time is going to run out. Everyone runs out of time eventually. Why is Madoka Kaname any different?

__tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock_ _tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock_ _tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock_ tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock_

Because she is the one with the key. She is the clockmaker. She winds them up when they lose their spring, she fixes them when they are broken. And right now, all the clocks in the world are broken because they keep moving forward when time is not. Time is not moving forward, not anymore. It's moving back back back. It's moving back because Madoka Kaname says it is.

_tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock_

There's a reason clocks are round, and that's so they can go on forever, and ever and ever. Nothing can stop the clocks from ticking. No one can stop the clocks from ticking. Not even Madoka Kaname can stop the clocks from ticking. No. Madoka Kaname uses their ticks to her advantage. Madoka Kaname makes the clocks tick for her.

_tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock_

The clocks tick ever onwards, until they strike twelve.

_tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock_

Madoka Kaname strikes twelve with them.

_tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock_

The clock strikes twelve, and the hours repeat themselves again.

Madoka Kaname repeats with them.

**Author's Note:**

> ive never used my ao3 before even though ive had it since august so i thought i might as well move some of my best fanfics from ffdotnet over here idk


End file.
